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“I was married. My wife died in an auto accident a year before I was retired. We were living here then. I got rid of a lot of her stuff. It brought back memories that I didn’t want to deal with. I loved her a lot.”“In a car accident?” she asked. “Was it her fault or did someone run into her?” Ashley asked.“It was a hit and run. As near as the cops could figure out someone forced her off the road and into a bunch of trees. The car smashed into the trees and caught fire. She never got out. They thought she was killed by the impact, and the fire didn’t leave a lot for them to do an autopsy on. For a while, I thought the agency that I worked for was responsible, as she was in my car not her own. I thought they were after me, but nothing else ever happened while I worked for them. The cops never solved the case, either.”“Oh, Bill! I’m so sorry. I had no idea,” Ashley said, obviously upset.“It’s OK, Sweetie,” I assured her. “It was eight years ago. I’ve pretty much gotten over it.”Shortly. 6. I bought my friend an elephant for his room. He said “Thanks” I said “Don’t mention it”7. I have an EpiPen. My friend gave it to me when he was dying, it seemed very important to him that I have it.8. I poured root beer in a square glass. Now I just have beer.9. What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.10. My friend says to me: “What rhymes with orange” I said: “no it doesn’t”11. And God said to John, come forth and you shall be granted eternal life. But John came fifth and won a toaster.12. How many opticians does it take to change a lightbulb? Is it one or two? One ... or two?13. What do we want? Low flying airplane noises! When do we want them? NNNEEEEEEOOOOOOOOWWWWWW.14. What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals? Phillipe Phillope.15. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.16. What do you call a dog that does magic tricks? A labracadabrador.17. So what if I don’t know what Armageddon means? It’s not.
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